The Regulate–Reconnect Method™

A Framework for Restoring Connection Under Stress

The Regulate–Reconnect Method™ is a proprietary relational framework developed by Dr. Ashley Itzhakian that teaches individuals, couples, and families how to restore connection under stress.

Human beings are wired for connection, yet internal, external, and relational stress often activates survival responses that disrupt emotional regulation, communication, and relational health. When stress overwhelms the nervous system, people rely on reactive strategies—such as attacking, withdrawing, blaming, or shutting down—that unintentionally deepen disconnection.

The Regulate–Reconnect Method™ addresses this breakdown by restoring the proper order of relational healing.

The Core Principle

Regulation precedes communication.

Before relationships can reconnect and communicate effectively, the nervous system must first experience safety. Regulation is not achieved through willpower or “trying harder,” but through practices and relationships that support nervous system stability.

The Framework

The Regulate–Reconnect Method™ unfolds through three essential phases. While presented sequentially, these phases work together to support relational restoration.

1. Regulate

(Through Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation)

Regulation focuses on restoring nervous system safety. This may occur through:

• Self-regulation, which includes internal practices that support emotional and physiological stability when connection is unavailable or unsafe.

• Co-regulation, which occurs through relational presence, attunement, and supportive rhythms within safe relationships.

The goal of regulation is not emotional suppression, but sufficient safety to move out of survival responses.

2. Reconnect

(Repair and Relational Safety)

Once regulation is supported, attention shifts to reconnection. Reconnection involves intentional relational repair, empathy, and the restoration of trust after stress or rupture.

Reconnection does not require agreement or perfection—it requires safety.

3. Communicate

(When It Can Finally Work)

Only after regulation and reconnection are established does communication become effective. In this phase, individuals and families can engage in honest dialogue, boundaries, and problem-solving with greater clarity, empathy, and flexibility.

Communication succeeds when the nervous system and the relationship feel safe.

How the Method Is Used

The Regulate–Reconnect Method™ is used in educational content, training, workshops, and written materials to help people understand how stress disrupts emotional regulation, communication, and relational health—and how connection can be restored through a clear, compassionate framework.

This method is not a technique or script. It is a relational framework designed to support lasting connection under stress.

Why This Approach Is Different

• It addresses stress and regulation first, not behavior alone

• It integrates self-regulation and co-regulation

• It restores the correct order of relational healing

• It reframes conflict with understanding rather than blame

Who This Is For

The Regulate–Reconnect Method™ is designed for individuals, couples, families, educators, and leaders seeking a clearer understanding of why relationships break down under stress—and how to restore connection in a way that is both practical and grounded in human design.